Leave my girls alone

In defense of my girls, Lena and Beyoncé.

I understand that I am weeks behind the zeitgeist on this, but I have been stewing and finally have to spew my words.

Leave my girls alone. 

They can wear whatever they want, even nothing. They can be proud, oblivious, fierce, self-conscious, sexy, fat, humorous, whatever they fucking want.

It doesn't matter if you don't like it. 

Lena Dunham as Hannah on the TV show Girls.

I find it funny that people give both of these talented and confident women the same amount of shit about their bodies and how they use them, considering how differently they are viewed by the mainstream media (and really everyone else too). Beyoncé is the sexiest woman of the 21st Century according to GQ. Lena Dunham (writer, producer, director, actor) has been called fat by all sorts and viewing her naked body was likened to "rape" by Howard Stern.

Beyoncé's Super Bowl performance was mesmerizing, she was amazing whether she sang a note or not. She danced her ass off and had a lot of fun doing it. I don't get people who criticize her performance for being too sexy or whatever other bullshit they want to throw at her. She was fierce and just what we all expect from a Super Star. But considering there are people who didn't believe she was pregnant and accused her of wearing a fake baby bump, I guess some people will never let her just be. Because she's a woman, even if she is Mrs. Carter.

Lena Dunham is a talented woman. Anybody who has watched Girls or seen Tiny Furniture knows that. She is also a feminist artist, who uses all of her tools, including her naked body to tell a story and push buttons. There has been so much written about Dunham's nakedness on her show: Pro and Con. I just want to say: THANK YOU for showing a real live body on TV. We are grown ass people, we can see a real nude woman without having to have her chopped, filtered and streamlined. As a woman, I want to see a woman having sex that looks real, even if awkward or even painful.. But never mind about me...back to the point.

So why do people write and blab on and on about these women's choices and appearances?

Beyoncé has the nerve to be proud and confident. She has the nerve to be a good performer and enjoy herself. Lena Dunham has the nerve to show her body, to have her character be naked in front of and with other characters, women and men. The nerve of Dunham is that she wants us to believe that men want to fuck Hannah, because according to all the is good and Hollywood, she is the opposite of sexy.

Because if a woman shows her body, it must be because she thinks she is sexy and is trying to get the attention and approval of men. A woman cannot use her body for any other purpose then for the male view and use. A woman can't possibly enjoy her own body, its movements, it curves, its beauty. That is really just not allowed. And woe be unto the woman who enjoys her sex, enjoys the body she has, enjoys how it feels. That woman is a slut, a show off, and needs to be controlled.

Beyoncé in her 2013 Super Bowl Half Time Show

So that's how Beyoncé and Lena Dunham are sisters. That's how they become my sisters. I will fight for their right to be naked, to dance, to smile provocatively, to be as alluring or as dismissive as they wish. I reserve the same rights. I hope you do too. If Beyoncé can't be fierce and sexy, then who the hell can?


You should read this too. It will give you some context for Lena Dunham's work (and nudity).

Guest post at Radical Hateloss

I am so very excited and honored to be included with the fierce and radical ladies over at Radical Hateloss. Stephanie Vincent, the mind and spirit behind Radical Hateloss, invited me to share an insight or experience about my relationship with my body. The result is: From Thick Thighs to Thick Thighs.

I plan on writing much more about my journey as a woman and a mother in the context of my relationship with my body, some triumphant and others quite painful. I believe by sharing honestly, and risking vulnerability, we can move past these conditioned beliefs and behaviors to a more authentic and joyful lives in our bodies. The bodies we have right now. I have a lot to say about issues related to our bodies, sexuality, motherhood, strength, and wellness. I hope you'll share your ideas and comments on those posts.

Cause Elvis told me so

My mom likes to listen to gospel music. Well, she likes to listen to Elvis singing gospel songs to be exact. Her favorite song on that cd is "Only Believe". Ok, so maybe it isn't her favorite, but it is definitely mine. The title is basically my life's motto. Now Elvis is singing about God and Jesus and faith in the divine. I don't mean that kind of belief.. I mean faith in oneself, faith in your fellow humans, faith in the best happening in the end, faith that it will all be 'as it should', to quote the Desiderata.

Because this is my life's motto, I have taken on the project to stuff 50 backpacks full of toiletries, hats, gloves, socks, snacks and other essentials and treats for the guests at the Student Run Emergency Housing Unit of Philadelphia (SREHUP). Last year we collected enough stuff to fill 32 backpacks and had 32 blankets to donate as well. That experience was magical and life-motto-affirming. I had a crazy idea to do some good and then I just willed it to happen. By willing it to exist I really mean nagging the hell out of everyone I knew through emails, Facebook posts, phone calls, and public solicitations until I made it reality.But that's part of 'Only Believe'.

Part of Believing is Doing. You can't just sit on a bench in the park and believe your face off and actually expect the good things to happen. Well, you could expect it, but you would be disappointed 99.999% of the time. Part of the Believing is Believing in your fellow humans. Believing that they are good and generous and helpful. Believing that together we can do anything, that all things are possible. But not alone. Not all by ourselves. I couldn't make this project a reality all by myself, well I could if I had a lot of money. I need all the generous donations from friends, family and colleagues to make this real. I need their Belief in me that I can make this happen. Their Belief in me makes me even more dedicated to making this real

And there's the magic. I Believe in others ANDthey Believe in me. And that's how we make this magical thing happen. How much more Christmas Spirit and Reason for the Season can we get?! Ok, it's before Thanksgiving so I'll keep the Christmas references to a minimum. But do you get where I'm going with this?

Thoughts create reality because thoughts create actions.

Belief + Doing = All Things

It's not just me. Ask Elvis.

Holiday Backpack Project Part Deux

So last year I had a dream and it came true. We collected 32 backpacks full of toiletries and necessities and donated them to the 32 men at one of the shelters of the Student Run Emergency Housing Unit of Philadelphia. It was one of the most important things I have ever done. Important to me and my sense of my place in the world. Important because I think I showed a lot of people (me!) that little people can do big things.  Important because I learned that my village is as awesome and loving and powerful as any foe. My village kicks ass. For sure.

So anyway...I'm doing it all over again. This time its for all the guests of all three shelters (still waiting to get the final count on that). But for now I'm going for 60. 60 backpacks full of goodness and love. This year I want to add handmade greetings to all the bags. So, if you would like to contribute a card to the cause, let me know. If you want to donate items to the backpacks: sweatshirts, toiletries, hats, gloves, crossword puzzle books, snacks, hand warmers, etc. Just fill out this form. Lots of details on the form.

I'll write about the projects progress and my thoughts and feelings along the way.

I have no idea if I can do this, but I am going to do it. I am just going to make it happen. Because my village is amazing and all things are possible if you just believe.

Keep On Keeping On

Sometimes the biggest lessons are taught in the smallest ways.

My six year old rode his bike (still with training wheels) to the library and back on Saturday, for a total of about 2.5 miles. He was so proud and excited to ride in the street like a big kid. He did great until we met the first real hill on the return trip. He immediately asked for help and wanted me to push him up the hill. I couldn't push him, I was pushing his brother in the jogging stroller. But I offered to put my hand on his back, to help him from going backwards. And so he struggled up that little steep hill and over the bridge. All the while I was telling him,  'You can do it! You are doing it! You're almost there!' The smile on his face was heart-growingly awesome.

And then the next hill came. He wanted to give up, started to whine. I told him he was not allowed to stop, that he must pedal that bike up the hill one way or another. Again, I put my hand on his back and encouraged him like before. And then I remembered something I had just read - people often quit something right before they would have finished/succeeded.  The hardest part is usually the part right before we make it/finish/win. So I told him that lesson. And kept encouraging him. He didn't give up. He kept going.

And we did the same for the next hill.

As we cruised toward the driveway, I asked him if he was proud of all the hill climbing he did. 

He said, "But I only climbed three."

"But you rode over 2 miles AND climbed three big hills."

"Yeah, I did." (BIG SMILE)

"I'm so proud of you for not giving up. Now you know that you can do it and next time it will be easier. Everytime will get easier. You know how mommy likes to run?  well, when I started running it was really hard to run for even 1 mile, but eventually I could run 10 miles and still be smiling when I was done. The same will happen for you, for anything you want to do. But you have to keep going. Never give up."

"Ok, Mommy. What are we going to do now?"
*******************

I share this story because I believe that instilling determination and confidence in our kids is one of the very most important things we can do for them. They have to believe they can do ANYTHING. My mom taught me that. I believed her, still do.

As we say in our house:

"The person who says I CAN'T is right, but so is the person who says I CAN."