Thursday, February 24, 2011

I blog, therefore I am

I have been blogging in one form or another since 2000.  You can see evidence of my earlier attempts here.  I do not consider myself a Mommy Blogger.  I am a mother who blogs, yes, but I am not a Mommy Blogger.  Sure, I write a lot about motherhood, but I am not a Mommy Blogger.  I am a blogger who happens to be a mother.  Got it?

I don't read Mommy Bloggers, for the most part.  I read blogs about parenting and motherhood-related issues like Blacktating and Your (Wo)Man in Washington.  There are others I follow on Twitter and Facebook like PhD in Parenting.  I am me, out here keeping it real.

I blog because I think.  Writing helps me form my opinions, clear my head and make decisions.  If I had heaps of extra time I would blog all day long, because there are always ten things in a day that I want to share.  But maybe if I'm lucky I blog five times a month.  I'm not getting on anybody's most influential blogger list anytime soon, nor do I want to.  I blog for myself.  If people read it, great.  But I know that I am one of a million.  There are far better bloggers and there are worse, but there is only one me. 

Blogging takes courage. Sometimes I just spew some words and hit 'publish post'. Other times I agonize over a post for days or weeks.  It took courage to state that I was glad to have two boys.  I felt brave to admit my relief when I saw that little penis.  But it is essential to tell the truth.  Some times the truth comes easy and some times you gotta "Talk Hard" like Christian Slater taught us. But to me there is no point in typing these words if they are meant to impress, shock or get the attention of the indifferent world.  Of course, every blogger has her ego and her sense of importance, or why else would we do this? 

Some times my truth is a bad day with an ornery preschooler. Some times my truth is my ambivalence about motherhood, my life or any number of things.  Some times my truth lies in frustration, some times gratitude, some times rage.  My life s not made of a series of humorous or enlightening episodes ready for consumption by my adoring followers. My life is messy and complicated and boring and commonplace and also extraordinary.  I am to share all of its facets with the world, put each facet in the light for a moment of examination.  That's what blogging is to me.  Hopefully, through sharing I'll find growth and peace. But in the meantime, I just have to get it out. 

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