I am supposed to be reading The Feminine Mistake (by the way, the book is on super sale at Amazon for under 6 bucks for the hardcover) so that I can review it here. But I had to put it in the freezer (random Friends reference for those who like Joey). The book didn't scare me, but it did make me mad and a little insecure because I "choose" to stay at home with my son for a few years instead of pursuing a career. Of course this is all in my head. The book isn't judging me, although the author might. I am judging me. And that scared the bejeezus out of me.
I am happy to be home with O. I actually get excited about our day together when I wake up in the morning to him calling "Ya-ya!" (yep, that's my name!). I did actually choose to be home and left a job I loved with great colleagues, decent pay and excellent benefits. But there is a part of me that wants to go back to work. A part of me that's afraid of the repercussions of taking a few years off, in terms of finances, self-esteem, etc.
What if I am left a single mother by any number of things that can happen? What if I can't get another job I love and pays me fairly? What if I just get stuck here in a rut and never challenge myself? What if I can't save enough for retirement and am left in poverty?
Yes, I really do think and sometimes worry about these things. And they are real concerns to me and should be to other women as well. And I have books to thank for these concerns. Books meant to empower or frighten or inform (not sure which sometimes). Books like The Price of Motherhood. Books I am grateful for, but nonetheless cause me to feel doubtful and insecure.
I am going to go back to The Feminine Mistake because I must. Books that cause such a passionate reaction have something to teach. And all the knowledge my fellow sisters in motherhood impart will come in handy to me someday, like today. We need to challenge each other and to ask the uncomfortable questions of our choices and motivations. We can't all sit in our respective mommy corners cheering on our own "team", but must look at why we choose the team in the first place, if we had a choice. I am a stay at home parent now, but someday I'll be a working parent. I'll need to change teams and look at the world from a different corner, so I'm going to arm myself with whatever knowledge and questions I can.
So look for my review soon. I'm going to tough up and read.