Mothers' issues are feminist issues

I had this post in draft for a few weeks before deciding to clean it up a bit and publish it. I realized that I didn't need to write everything I ever wanted to say about motherhood and feminism, the exclusion of many women from our motherhood and feminism discussions/causes, and all the other related issues. I could just start the conversation. And then when I went to look at #SolidarityIsForWhiteWomen to see the latest tweets, I stumbled upon this and my inner voice shouted YES! Although not specifically about motherhood, that open letter identifies (way better than I could) the problem with so many (most) white feminists: failure to check our privilege or even acknowledge it. We have to stop that shit!

Why don't feminists talk more about mothers' issues? Yes, we talk about paid sick leave and family leave, but do we talk about pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding? What about daycare and public education?We sure talk a lot about birth control, sex and abortion. But we really don't talk about all the stuff that happens once we have a baby. Where is the choice debate around birth and feeding? We talk about the choice of working or not (for those who have the luxury of choice). We don't talk much about how our socio-economic status influences our options and choices about how we birth and care for our babies. I think we should.

#solidarityisforwhitewomen pained me, not only in the sharp criticism, but because I realized that so often there's only one conversation in feminism (mainstream, anyway) and it's really about women like me: white, middle-aged, educated, relatively affluent and empowered. If we talk about women of lower socio-economic status or women of color, it is often condescendingly, or in passing.

And when I say "we" I mean my feminist friends, the regular people. I also mean the mainstream feminist organizations and media that often focus on whatever way we are all "leaning" that week or how much we get paid while we lean. Let's be honest, we suck. We are not inclusive of our sisters of color, or our sisters with limited financial resources or social capitol. We basically ignore them. Or silently judge them for not being like us. Or not so silently.

So I say, mothers unite! If we acknowledged our common and shared struggles we could actually get to the real work of feminism -- changing the fucking world for everybody! Not just privileged white ladies or people of a certain class or your kids or their kids -- EVERYBODY!

But how do we go about getting all together? What will be our priority issues? What are the solutions? I have ideas. What are yours?

Moms Rising is one organization that is working on many of the issues that concern mothers: healthy food, health care for all, paid sick leave, fair wages, etc. But as of yet, not focusing on pregnancy, birth and feeding of our babies. But I bet we could change that.

What other organizations do you know working on behalf of ALL mothers? Or are otherwise working to bring the many voices and experiences of mothers and women together for the common good. And to slay the Patriarchy.

Make Love A Verb

Last night my family cooked dinner at  the Student-Run Emergency Housing Unit of Philadelphia.  The shelter is staffed by local college students who volunteer their time.  There are 36 guests at the shelter from November to April. A friend of ours is the faculty adviser for the project and she had put the call out for volunteers. So I had signed up for dinner last night and several of my co-workers agreed to help us with the purchasing and preparation of the food.

In the end, it ended up too many cooks, so a few people did the bulk of the work.  But that was fine, it wouldn't have worked otherwise. Plus, other people helped occupy my kids (bonus!).  My partner threw himself into making two giant lasagnas and I helped here and there by chopping vegetables and trying to locate utensils.  The wonderful parts had nothing to do with the food, although it was nice to see people enjoy food you had prepared (or at least purchased). 

I really enjoyed my kids interacting with the guests, especially little B playing catch with one man who just smiled and chuckled the whole time.  Several of the guests chatted with me about my boys, who were running all about the room throwing paper airplanes and coloring with crayons on the floor.  Having the kids there helped relax us all into being friendly and comfortable with each other.  Who doesn't love to see kids laughing and playing?!

This experience really came to be because my partner and I have been talking about finding ways to "live our values" and teaching our boys about giving to others. So when the opportunity presented itself I knew it was the right thing.  We got to do something concrete to help others and our kids could see us do it.  No preaching, no nonsense. Our boys also got to see the real people behind the label "homeless".  And so did we.

We are going back again on December 23rd, this time with my parents and brother with the two boys.  I want to share this experience with my family.  I want to try to spark in them the thing that has come alive inside me.  Now I want to help more.  I want to keep cooking dinners and looking for ways to raise donations, material and monetary.  My next project is goody/gift bags for the holidays.  I am going to try to collect as much as I can for the guests to get a little something special over the holidays.  I want them to feel cared for and loved.

But the thing I will take away from this more than all of that, is I love my partner more than ever.  Seeing him put his heart into cooking for strangers and being so gracious when he was thanked for cooking a great meal...well, it melted my heart a little more and made him six inches taller in my eyes. Giving as a couple or as a family can only strength the bonds.  So I hope this is our new holiday tradition. A way to honor our true values and share our good fortune.

A way to make love a verb.

Happy F*&^king Mother's Day

I just finished reading this great post over at the Ms. Blog by Natalie Wilson and it has got me thinking.  The more I live my life as a mother the more I realize that mothers get screwed (and not in the MILF kind of way).  We are expected to do everything for our families, our partners, our households, and still be sexy, vibrant, put-together women.  We are expected to keep quiet about the poor work conditions and inadequate pay we receive, no matter where we work, including our own homes.  We earn less than our female (child-free) and male (doesn't matter if they have kids or not) peers.  We are more likely to live in poverty.  We don't get sick days. 
 
Mothers get a lot of lip service in America.  'It's the greatest, hardest, most important job in the world.'  But they won't pay us for it.  No paid maternity leave.  No universal subsidized child care. No social security credit for years out of the workforce taking care of our families.  It's the greatest hardest most important job that no rational person would choose based on the salary and benefits package.  No glory.  No thanks.  No "atta-girl".  Well, except on this one day. 

Today is Mother's Day and we get flowers, breakfast in bed, dinner made for us, gifts and handmade cards.  We get hugs and kisses.  We get a few thank you's.  Does it make it up for all those other days of thankless work and lousy pay?  No, not in the long term.  But in the short term, yes.

I don't expect a thank you everyday for doing what I choose to do.  But I would like some more appreciation and respect from society.  I AM doing a very important and difficult job.  I am raising the next generation of tax payers, builders, thinkers, and maybe even parents.  I sacrifice a lot for these little people.  I sacrifice my own financial security in order to provide them with the things money cannot buy: unconditional love, encouragement, guidance, and understanding.  So maybe, just maybe, one of these days the U.S. will join the rest of the world and provide paid maternity (and paternity) leave and stop treating our bodies and magical wombs like public property.


And now I'll step down from the soap box and return you to our regular programming...

Ratify Women!

NOW has launched a new campaign: Ratify Women!

The United Nations Convention on the Elimination of all forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) is the most complete international agreement on basic human rights for women and was adopted by the United Nations (UN) General Assembly in 1979. To date, 185 countries have ratified CEDAW. Even though the U.S. helped draft the treaty, it is the only industrialized country left to ratify.

Sign the petition.  Demand an end to all forms of discrimination against women.