Guest post at Radical Hateloss

I am so very excited and honored to be included with the fierce and radical ladies over at Radical Hateloss. Stephanie Vincent, the mind and spirit behind Radical Hateloss, invited me to share an insight or experience about my relationship with my body. The result is: From Thick Thighs to Thick Thighs.

I plan on writing much more about my journey as a woman and a mother in the context of my relationship with my body, some triumphant and others quite painful. I believe by sharing honestly, and risking vulnerability, we can move past these conditioned beliefs and behaviors to a more authentic and joyful lives in our bodies. The bodies we have right now. I have a lot to say about issues related to our bodies, sexuality, motherhood, strength, and wellness. I hope you'll share your ideas and comments on those posts.

I blog, therefore I am

I have been blogging in one form or another since 2000.  You can see evidence of my earlier attempts here.  I do not consider myself a Mommy Blogger.  I am a mother who blogs, yes, but I am not a Mommy Blogger.  Sure, I write a lot about motherhood, but I am not a Mommy Blogger.  I am a blogger who happens to be a mother.  Got it?

I don't read Mommy Bloggers, for the most part.  I read blogs about parenting and motherhood-related issues like Blacktating and Your (Wo)Man in Washington.  There are others I follow on Twitter and Facebook like PhD in Parenting.  I am me, out here keeping it real.

I blog because I think.  Writing helps me form my opinions, clear my head and make decisions.  If I had heaps of extra time I would blog all day long, because there are always ten things in a day that I want to share.  But maybe if I'm lucky I blog five times a month.  I'm not getting on anybody's most influential blogger list anytime soon, nor do I want to.  I blog for myself.  If people read it, great.  But I know that I am one of a million.  There are far better bloggers and there are worse, but there is only one me. 

Blogging takes courage. Sometimes I just spew some words and hit 'publish post'. Other times I agonize over a post for days or weeks.  It took courage to state that I was glad to have two boys.  I felt brave to admit my relief when I saw that little penis.  But it is essential to tell the truth.  Some times the truth comes easy and some times you gotta "Talk Hard" like Christian Slater taught us. But to me there is no point in typing these words if they are meant to impress, shock or get the attention of the indifferent world.  Of course, every blogger has her ego and her sense of importance, or why else would we do this? 

Some times my truth is a bad day with an ornery preschooler. Some times my truth is my ambivalence about motherhood, my life or any number of things.  Some times my truth lies in frustration, some times gratitude, some times rage.  My life s not made of a series of humorous or enlightening episodes ready for consumption by my adoring followers. My life is messy and complicated and boring and commonplace and also extraordinary.  I am to share all of its facets with the world, put each facet in the light for a moment of examination.  That's what blogging is to me.  Hopefully, through sharing I'll find growth and peace. But in the meantime, I just have to get it out. 

Mother's for Women's Lib - Feminist Parenting Carnival

A little tardy, but I wanted to share the awesomeness that is included in the carnival (including my own It's a Boy post).  I am sure that anyone who reads this blog will be sure to find something of interest there. 

It's heartening for me to read posts by other women thinking about some of the issues I struggle with and offering their own insights.  So often I feel isolated and lonely in my head.  Like I am on the lookout for ways mamas get screwed over, but then I read a facebook status message from a mama friend who reports she didn't get the job because the asshole who interviewed her was concerned about her commute and her two small kids.  This mama is a single mama, sole provider for her kids. So yeah, it isn't just my paranoia. 

The Kids are Watching

A fellow, blogger, friend and thinking mama whom I deeply respect for her sharing her personal journey of Radical Hateloss has shared a valuable insight for mothers in honor of Mother's Day.  We do owe it to ourselves and our children to love ourselves without reservation, and live our true inner lives.

Over the last year or so I have really found my inner voice and strength through taking time to develop my mind, spirit and body through my journeys as both a newbie runner and as a graduate student.  I have to say that running has given me so much in terms of appreciation for my body, an understanding of my own strengths, and a commitment to myself and "me time".  This pregnancy has been hard on me because I have been sacrificing some of my "me time" that was devoted to running and exercise, some due to tiredness and inability to do the activities, but also due to laziness.  It's easy to blame the pregnancy.  But I have also had to give some "me time" over to my studies, which are also enjoyable and challenging, but in obviously different ways.  In pursuit of both academic/intellectual and physical improvement, I have come to have a real love for my own awesomeness.  I AM someone who can have a beautiful happy family life AND maintain high standards at work and school.  I AM a woman who can grow a human life, while having fun with friends and forging new professional connections.  I AM a woman who can chase around a three year old and plant a vegetable garden while 9 months pregnant.  I AM pretty amazing. 

So are you.

Thanks to Stephanie for reminding me of this very important lesson.