Stuff of interest to thinking mamas.....

• Aggie shares why she may be an abnormal working mother.
• The Business Case for Breastfeeding - support for working moms.
• Wisebread shares a simple way to stay on target with the food budget.
• Was it easier to be a mom in 1908? Don't you bet on it.
• Washington Post article on using life coaches and part time work to find balance for moms.
• Non-Toxic Kids has some good ways to avoid Phthalates - avoid anything with fragrance to start.
• Peggy shares some easy ways to fight global warming.
  

Book Review: Opting In by Amy Richards

When I first started reading Opting In: Having a Child Without Losing Yourself I was defensive and a little pissed off at Ms. Richards. I felt judged by her for my choice to stop working outside the home to be a full time mama and my reliance on my partner (a man) for my financial stability. After finishing the book (having skimmed the chapter on our relationship with our mothers) I don't feel judged, but I do feel a little inferior. Ms. Richards has a healthy career as writer and activist, mothers her sons, shares parenting and household maintenance with her partner, and maintains relationships with her girlfriends. I barely keep my house together, do most of the housework, do most of the parenting, and struggle to keep my dear friendships with my pre-motherhood friends. Did I mention that often its 10 p.m. (just in time for a good night kiss) before I realize that I haven't touched by partner since our morning good-bye?

Ok, I realize that these feelings are a projection, and this doesn't really count as a book review. But I have to air this out for my own sanity and through this process I'll shed some light on the book (I hope).

I think I'm like most mothers in these things. We struggle to keep life and home together and the people we love fed and cared for. Sure, I choose to be home full time, but the choice is more one of necessity considering the expense of daycare in our area and my meager non-profit salary. I just don't see how I am supposed to live all my progressive liberal values, like Ms. Richards proposes (or demands) in her (well-researched and insightful) book.

So what are these values?

• Men and women are equal (but different)
• Children deserve stability, love, age-appropriate educational experiences, and respect (among many other things)
  
• Everyone deserves to live authentically with the support of their family/friends
  
• Marriage isn't necessary for happiness
• Respecting the earth through living greenly and consciously
• Love is a verb
• Things don't bring happiness

At this time, I'm stuck. I know that everything listed isn't a value exactly, but you get my drift. I'm your average white middle class educated liberal woman, well in some ways anyway. And after trying to list my values, I realize that I do live them in my own authentic way.

My partner and I are equals. We make decisions together about spending money, changing jobs, moving, parenting, household stuff, etc. We each have areas of dominion and expertise, but we value and respect the ideas and opinions of the other. We choose not to be married for several reasons (which I'll share in a future post). For us, for now, this works out well.

I actively pursue my own interests and relationships and encourage my partner to do the same. I volunteer for the local Birth Center. I am going to be walking in the Breast Cancer 3 Day in October with a couple of college friends. I organize a parents group. I cook and bake a lot because I want to. And occasionally I go out with friends on my own. My partner rides a motorcycle, participates in autocross events, and is way into his photography hobby. In other words, we have lives and interests separate from our family life and each other.

We live frugally, but spend money on the things we value like good food, a house in a friendly neighborhood, and cars (ok, he values those more than I do). But we don't go to the mall or shop online for fun. We don't buy much but food and necessities. We recycle and reuse whatever we can. We conserve. We re-use bags and bring our own.

As for parenting, I think we rock at it. Our son is smart, curious, friendly and happy. I spend quality time with him everyday playing in the yard, walking to the library, playdates, etc. My partner spends quality time with our son when he's home and O's awake. During the week it isn't much, but weekends are time for us together. Saturdays tend to be a day for family outings to the park, etc. We don't outsource his care to anyone really but his grandparents on occasion. Maybe that isn't wholly a positive.

So back to the book.....I like it. I have been challenged by it (obviously). I found the most value in the chapters about women's friendships and co-parenting. It's a book for women of my generation (X, I guess) who benefited from the struggles of our mothers and grandmothers to enter the workforce and have equal footing in society. We truly have the choice to stay home or head off to the factory or office. Although this choice is purely for the middle and upper classes; poorer women often work out of necessity. I do often feel, like Ms. Richards, that motherhood is undervalued and or disrespected in this country, despite all the hoopla around Mothers' Day. But until we demand the respect and rights we deserve (and desire), well, no one is going to give it to us. And I suppose this is what she means when she calls for us to live our values. We have to be ourselves so our children and other women see the diversity of valid choices and lifestyles. The more of us there are out there, the more of us there will be. We have to work together, speak truthfully and support one another. No more Mommy Wars, if there ever really was any.

Stuff of interest to thinking mamas.....

Girls and young women can decrease breast cancer risk with regular exercise.
A great online resource for bringing your baby to work.
Guidelines for safe co-sleeping.
Report on autism vaccine case in Texas.
A young woman's rant/insight into the failings of Family Medical Leave Act.
List of motherhood memoirs at Red Orbit.
Momlogic has a rant on why our friendships sometimes fail. Did I mention it's hilarious?

Menu Planning Update

Quite to my own surprise we are on week 3 of Nicole's Menu Planning Kick. So far, so good. I have stuck to my plans, except for a couple changes. Tonight we are doing beef stroganoff. Basically I follow Betty Crocker's recipe but just slow cook the beef since I bought some cheap stew meat.

I have decided that planning our weekday dinners doesn't make me an uber-mommy-dork. I'm just making my own life easier and making sure we eat at least two meat-free meals a week. Motherhood and SAHM-hood has taught me the power of planning ahead, although often the plans have to be tweaked. But flying by the seat of your capris doesn't often make for happy family life...at least not in our house. At least not when it comes to feeding time.

What meal time organization trick helps you the most?

Natural Family Planning Update

Well, I have been tracking my basal body temperature and cervical fluid for almost 3 months now, with the help of fertilityfriend.com. And so far, we haven't goofed and made a baby. I am surprised to learn that my cycle is 26 days long. I always had a longer cycle before the birth of the boy. But I suppose I could still be recovering from the mini-pills, and my cycle has not regulated itself.

One of the ironies of the Fertility Awareness Method of birth control is that the very time I am most interested in sex is the time of the month I should avoid it, since I am most fertile. Now the strict Natural Family Planning adherents abstain during their fertile period. Fertility Awareness offers the alternative to use a barrier method during the fertile period if you want to have sex. Without getting into details, we manage to negotiate through the fertile phase without any real challenges.

Partnership is compromise, and this method of birth control requires both diligence and flexibility. I think it is the most feminist of contraceptive measures, because it requires equal commitment from both partners; although as the female I'm the one who tracks my temperature and cervical fluid. But my partner is aware of where we are in my cycle and what our options are at any given time. I like it because I'm not the sole responsible party. We do it together or abstain together.

I'll be sure to update in a couple of months to see if I'm still in love with the method and still not knocked up.

5 Things about this mom...

1. I have my motorcycle license but don't own a motorcycle.
2. My favorite romantic movie is Brokeback Mountain (it's my partner's favorite too).
3. I want to live in New Mexico sometime in the next 20 years. I live near Philadelphia now.
4. My father is a alcoholic (sometimes a recovering one). His addiction has been one of the most difficult obstacles in my life. We are working on having a healthy adult relationship.
5. I love road trips. I don't care whether its 25 miles or 2000 miles. I prefer to be the navigator, but love driving the open road too. I went cross country in a 1971 Ford Club Wagon with my best girlfriend right after college. We traveled a road trip from coast to coast over the course of 2 months. It was one of the best experiences of my life. Right up there with falling in love and having my son.
   

Stuff of interest to thinking mamas.....

A "matching service" for single mothers- Coabode
Reminder: How much sleep your kid needs from Askdrsears.com
Rep. Carolyn Maloney on the real state of women in America (divorce, work and social security)
Top 10 social networking sites for women from Mashable.com
Do you think having kids ruins your marriage?
Family Leave Insurance Act is up for a vote in Congress.

Mama Rocked Her Time Out

Maybe running away from your family to spend Mother's Day weekend with one of your best friends and miscellaneous gays (two of whom are also great friends) is not the conventional way to celebrate, but it sure brought this mama back to life. Sure I missed my little boy to the point of tears when I saw those little red Radio Flyer wagons at the Lilac Festival. Sure I probably could have gone without eating a sausage with peppers and onions at 2 a.m. And, in all honesty, Ambrosia Salad is not the most beautiful or talented drag queen I have seen. BUT the laughter, reminiscing and catching up was tonic for my sometimes-feeling-too-old soul.

I would share some photos, but I left my camera behind. I did, however, return home with a purse full of condoms. So that might give you an idea of what kind of fun I had.

Stuff of interest to thinking mamas.....

25 Lessons of Motherhood by Nikki Britain
Anti-Mom bias persists in the work place.
Conversation with Joan Blades, founder of Momsrising.org
Busy moms connecting online.
Katha Pollitt muses that Anti-feminism is alive and well.

In case you're wondering who I am....

Why do I blog? I started Think Mama Think because I wanted to share news, insights and personal stories with other mothers who think about more than just JLo's twins and where to buy Robeez cheap. This blog is a deposit of my own stories from motherhood and a collection of news, blog posts, and essays that shed some light on motherhood or the state of women today.

Who am I? Well, I'm a mother of an almost two year old son and partner to a supportive and loving man (for over five years now). We all live in the suburbs of Philadelphia with our two naughty cats. I am currently at home full time, with occasional editing freelance works. In my pre-motherhood life I worked in the HIV/AIDS community, doing administrative work and a little grant writing. I have lived in the Philadelphia area most of my life, but have also lived in Washington DC and the suburbs of Atlanta. I have visited over 40 of our beautiful United States and can't wait to see them all, especially Alaska and Hawaii. On a good day I enjoy a good book, have a good laugh with a friend, take a walk with my boy, and snuggle with my honey. I am dabbling in photography and my boy is my favorite subject.

If you are visiting from MommyFest, please leave me a comment with a link to your blog.

It's Mommyfest !

My first online festival! I'm happy to be a part of Mommyfest 2008 (fifth annual). Click on over and check out some great topics and other women/mother bloggers. Special topics from May 12 - 16th, here's the schedule of events.