Leave my girls alone

In defense of my girls, Lena and Beyoncé.

I understand that I am weeks behind the zeitgeist on this, but I have been stewing and finally have to spew my words.

Leave my girls alone. 

They can wear whatever they want, even nothing. They can be proud, oblivious, fierce, self-conscious, sexy, fat, humorous, whatever they fucking want.

It doesn't matter if you don't like it. 

Lena Dunham as Hannah on the TV show Girls.

I find it funny that people give both of these talented and confident women the same amount of shit about their bodies and how they use them, considering how differently they are viewed by the mainstream media (and really everyone else too). Beyoncé is the sexiest woman of the 21st Century according to GQ. Lena Dunham (writer, producer, director, actor) has been called fat by all sorts and viewing her naked body was likened to "rape" by Howard Stern.

Beyoncé's Super Bowl performance was mesmerizing, she was amazing whether she sang a note or not. She danced her ass off and had a lot of fun doing it. I don't get people who criticize her performance for being too sexy or whatever other bullshit they want to throw at her. She was fierce and just what we all expect from a Super Star. But considering there are people who didn't believe she was pregnant and accused her of wearing a fake baby bump, I guess some people will never let her just be. Because she's a woman, even if she is Mrs. Carter.

Lena Dunham is a talented woman. Anybody who has watched Girls or seen Tiny Furniture knows that. She is also a feminist artist, who uses all of her tools, including her naked body to tell a story and push buttons. There has been so much written about Dunham's nakedness on her show: Pro and Con. I just want to say: THANK YOU for showing a real live body on TV. We are grown ass people, we can see a real nude woman without having to have her chopped, filtered and streamlined. As a woman, I want to see a woman having sex that looks real, even if awkward or even painful.. But never mind about me...back to the point.

So why do people write and blab on and on about these women's choices and appearances?

Beyoncé has the nerve to be proud and confident. She has the nerve to be a good performer and enjoy herself. Lena Dunham has the nerve to show her body, to have her character be naked in front of and with other characters, women and men. The nerve of Dunham is that she wants us to believe that men want to fuck Hannah, because according to all the is good and Hollywood, she is the opposite of sexy.

Because if a woman shows her body, it must be because she thinks she is sexy and is trying to get the attention and approval of men. A woman cannot use her body for any other purpose then for the male view and use. A woman can't possibly enjoy her own body, its movements, it curves, its beauty. That is really just not allowed. And woe be unto the woman who enjoys her sex, enjoys the body she has, enjoys how it feels. That woman is a slut, a show off, and needs to be controlled.

Beyoncé in her 2013 Super Bowl Half Time Show

So that's how Beyoncé and Lena Dunham are sisters. That's how they become my sisters. I will fight for their right to be naked, to dance, to smile provocatively, to be as alluring or as dismissive as they wish. I reserve the same rights. I hope you do too. If Beyoncé can't be fierce and sexy, then who the hell can?


You should read this too. It will give you some context for Lena Dunham's work (and nudity).

Will Ms. Yellow Sweater please stand up?

Here  I am.

Before you think I totally lost my mind, read this Double X piece on pro-life feminists (yellow sweater wearers).


I am a pro-life feminist. Which means to me that I find abortion to be a moral choice and one I am equally adverse to as any other taking of life, including the death penalty, murder, war, etc.  I do not think abortions should be illegal.  I do not think women or doctors should be harmed or penalized if an abortion is performed.  I do think that we should do everything within our power as a society to prevent un-intended pregnancies (unwanted ones) AND offer real support to women and families like low or no-cost child care, paid maternity leave and effective child support enforcement. 

Are there more women out there with their yellow sweaters hidden in their closets?  Do pro-life Democrats, like Senator Bob Casey have a chance in this partisan, hot-button issue, no time for nuanced discussion, time? I would hope so.  I would vote for her.

People who equate feminism with pro-choice miss out on a whole bunch of women.   I am not even sure what pro-choice means.  I am supportive of women being able to make informed choices regarding their reproductive and sexual health, but I don't believe that most women "choosing" to have an abortion really have a choice. They are faced with obstacles like abuse, poverty, social stigma, isolation, and lack of opportunity.  Some women don't have the choice of when and with whom to have sex or if and when to use birth control.  So how much choice is there really?!

All women should be for real reform in how we support and protect women and families.  Abortion is a symptom or effect of many causes.  Feminism is about more than our bodies, and more than ourselves.

Here we go again

So I went and had another baby.

My son, B., was born by c-section on June 9th.  Maybe someday I'll write about his birth but not today.
Today's post is about breastfeeding since it is the start of International Breastfeeding Week. I want to discuss breastfeeding in front of other people. This has been a hot topic in breastfeeding circles lately - well it always is.  Recently there have been stories in the news about women being harassed about nursing in public places.

I have breastfed two babies.  My older son weaned at about 18 months and Baby B. will hopefully nurse for at least a year.  I am a moderate lactivist.  I fully support and encourage women to breastfeed and believe it to be the best food for babies and older children too.  But I don't think there is one way to be a nursing mother, no perfect amount of feedings or months; just the right amount that works for the family.  There are many women for whom breastfeeding is all but impossible because of lack of social, financial, and/or emotional support.  If you stack lack of information on top of those barriers, well its no wonder we have the poor breastfeeding rates we do in the U.S.  I do believe that some women (I don't know how many) cop out and don't even try to breastfeed for various superficial reasons.  I also believe that lots of women try to breastfeed and fail because the public health and healthcare systems let them down and they don't have the peer models to offer them informal guidance and support.  But this wasn't really my point, was it?!  I could write pages about the lack of breastfeeding support.

Public breastfeeding.  It is controversial for so many reasons....none of which I buy.  Breasts are made to feed babies.  Period, end of sentence.  Our culture sexualizes and objectifies the breast to the point that we view the most natural, beautiful and nurturing act as something dirty or weird that should be hidden from view.  No matter what formula manufacturers claim, feeding formula to babies puts them at risk for all manners of health problems, chronic conditions, and intellectual disadvantages (diabetes, obesity, middle ear infections, respiratory infections, to name a few).  I am not going to list the myriad health benefits of breastfeeding, because I think most people intellectually understand that breastmilk is the best food and offers so many protections to babies. 

So what gives?  Why is breastfeeding a natural part of public life in other countries and cultures?  Why are we so backwards?

We believe that a factory can make a superior food to our own bodies.  We believe that we can't demand that our workplaces give us time and space to pump or on-site daycare so we can breastfeed our child on demand (although the health care reform will change some workplaces for the better).  We believe we shouldn't ask for extended paid maternity leaves like most of the other developed countries provide for their families.  We believe our breasts are something to hide or only show off for the male gaze and approval.  We have lost touch with our own bodies to the point that we forget that we are the lifegivers, the nurturers, the milk makers.

I believe breastfeeding to be an important feminist issue.  We need to reclaim our breasts for ourselves and our children. We need to fight for all our sisters to be able to feed their children, no matter her income or social status.  We need to nurse in public, whenever and wherever.  In order to remove taboo, we have to do the taboo thing.

And so with all of this in my mind and heart I find myself being overly self-conscious about breastfeeding in public places.  I bring blankets to cover up and try to sit in corners or turn away from the action.  I feel embarrassed at times, but always nurse my son when he needs it. I refuse to hide in my car or bring a bottle. I am stuck in this place of knowing I have every right to breastfeed my son wherever I am and yet fearing the disapproving stare or the harsh comment.  And yet I have never had a negative experience nursing in public.

So where does all this come from?!  I don't know.  I guess I have more self-love and womanly empowerment to do.  But in the meantime, I will nurse in public even if it is behind a blanket or with my face a little red, because I believe that often doing the right thing requires some uncomfortable confrontation with our own hang ups and shortcomings. The journey to a truly empowered and actualized woman requires heaping bushels of self-examination.  Sometimes it also requires nudity, and not always the fun kind.

Kids Are What They Eat (And Watch) Part 1

This is the first of a series of posts about food, marketing and our kids' health. 

Our kids are defenseless targets for marketers of junk food and are getting sick and fat because of our inability to say NO and the 24-7 cheap access to non-foods marketed to kids.  Here are just a few articles I found on the topic. There will be more to come.   I am particularly interested in the links between commercial television and obesity.  It isn't the inactivity, but the marketing that seems to have such a profound effect on our kids (and us). 

• A study in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine questions the relationship between television marketing of junk foods to kids and kids' increased intake of high-calorie, low-nutrition foods. 
• A study in the journal Pediatrics looked at the prevalence of food brands in movies and found that most of the brand placements were for high-calorie, low-nutrition foods, many of these films target children and young adults. 
• Calories for Sale (pdf)chronicles marketing to children in the 21st Century
• Marion Nestle (one of my food heroes) wrote in the New England Journal of Medicine in 2006:

• Since 1994, U.S. companies have introduced about 600 new children's food products; half of them have been candies or chewing gums, and another fourth are other types of sweets or salty snacks. Only one fourth are more healthful items, such as baby foods, bread products, and bottled waters. Companies support sales of "kids' foods," with marketing budgets totaling an estimated $10 billion annually.^1,3 Kellogg spent $22.2 million just on media advertising to promote 139.8 million dollars' worth of Cheez-It crackers in 2004, but these figures are dwarfed by McDonald's $528.8 million expenditure to support $24.4 billion in sales. Marketing to children is hardly new, but recent methods are far more intense and pervasive. Television still predominates, but the balance is shifting to product placements in toys, games, educational materials, songs, and movies; character licensing and celebrity endorsements; and less visible "stealth" campaigns involving word of mouth, cellular-telephone text messages, and the Internet. All aim to teach children to recognize brands and pester their parents to buy them. The IOM notes that by two years of age, most children can recognize products in supermarkets and ask for them by name.

Blame and Parenting

Parents (particularly mothers) get blamed for so much.  If our kids are overweight, we feed them the wrong foods or let them watch too much TV.  If our kids misbehave, we let them rule our house.  If they don't do well in school, we don't invest enough in their education or development.  If they aren't perfectly healthy, then we must have done something while we were pregnant to cause the problem. 

And for this reason I wanted to share this short piece from Psychology Today that quotes one of my intellectual crushes, Michael Yudell, a leading public health historian, on the sources of blame for the causes of autism.  Of particular interest to me was the assertion that mothers starting receiving the blame for all that was wrong with their children at about the same time as all the men were returning from WWII.  Society wanted to get those women back in their houses and out of the workplace, and start producing more babies, citizens, consumers.

I believe the worst aspect of blaming the mothers comes from mothers ourselves.  Whether we are blaming ourselves for not being green enough, or working outside the home too much or giving in to demands for cookies or whatever it is....or we blame other mothers for their "bad choices" or lack of willpower or ignorance or their poverty..... Blame and guilt are everywhere. How do we escape it?  Can we escape it?

In regards to the causes of autism, there is a large groundbreaking study starting now, EARLI Study which is examining  possible early causes of autism by studying families with one child who is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and expecting another child. Hopefully this study will help us understand how genetics and environment interact to cause or predispose a child to autism.

It's no-win for working mothers (or any of us for that matter)

I came across this great opinion (fact!) piece through Kellymom's facebook feed (you should totally "like" it right away if you are breastfeeding supporter/practitioner).  Sarah Vine hits it squarely on the head:

The media, meanwhile, is endlessly lionising those famous working mothers who barely pause for breath between the delivery suite and the film set/boardroom/debating chamber, reserving extra-special praise for those whose faces and figures remain seemingly untouched by the ravages of pregnancy and birth, and chastising the ones who dare to “let themselves go”. Everywhere you look the message is the same: go forth and procreate; but woe betide you if you can’t fit back into your jeans, or are too tired to perform as athletically as you once did in the bedroom.

I don't think her arguments only apply to "working moms", but to all of us.  Motherhood is not valued.  We are perpetually criticized and measured against whatever standard is currently (this week) en vogue.   There are "experts" telling us that no matter what we do we are damaging our children, losing ourselves, killing our relationships, missing out on the purpose of life, wasting our potential, etc. It totally sucks.

And until we ignore all the "Mommy Wars" bullshit and start seeing each other as sisters, it is never going to get any better for us or our kids.  We need to unite as mothers and as women to fight for our right to make our own choices and raise our families in safe, healthy, supportive communities. 

PS. If you are wondering who Gina Ford is after reading the piece, like I was, here's a clue: she's a proponent of scheduling babies and getting them to sleep through the night at very early ages (under 3 months, even). Like the Babywise people.

It's a boy!

A few months ago when we saw the little penis (or were told there was a little penis) on the ultrasound monitor, I exhaled with relief. It may impolitic to admit that I was afraid of having a daughter; it is true.  I am a feminist and a lover of all things female (except many of the superficial society-imposed things like body hair waxing, baby showers, and Twilight fan-dom), but I did not want to be in charge of raising a female in this world.  First of all, I'm not what people call a girly-girl,but I do have a few girly tendencies like retreating to the bathroom for a good cry and loving Madonna.  I was a tomboy's tomboy and still am in some ways, although now I happily wear a dress and like a nice pair of shoes as much as the next girl.

I was afraid of all the things mothers and daughters have to discuss and fight about and bond over.  I didn't want to have to describe the double-standard that still exists in this world, and would possibly exist in my house, despite my own best intentions.  I didn't want to be the model for anyone else, barely understanding what it means to be a woman myself.  I didn't want to worry about mean girls or  mean boys telling my daughter she was ugly or fat or not good enough.  Somehow I don't worry about this for my boys.  (double-standard, I know).  I didn't want to worry about her getting pregnant before her time, or sexually assaulted or any of those gender-power sexual situations that just feel uncomfortable (at best) or downright threatening and violating (at worst).  I just didn't want to deal with all that stuff.  Not with body image or pink princess crap or all the 'lady-like' stuff I sometimes forget to do myself.  I don't want to be a model for what it means to be a woman, a partner, a mother, a daughter, a girl friend.  (Although I fully realize that I will model those things for my sons and may someday hate the younger version of me they bring home.)

With boys I get to worry about them being a bully or bullying, driving too fast or stupidly, finding innumerable ways to risk their lives and the lives of others, being picked on for being 'gay' or not tough enough, being the jerky guy who breaks the girls' hearts or worse...you get the idea.  You have worries with boys but somehow they seem more manageable to me as a mother.

And so why do I bring this up now?  Well, I read a great essay by Peggy Orenstein in the New York Times Magazine about her fears of raising a daughter who would inherit all of her food and body image issues.  And I thought, I am so glad I don't have to deal with all of that.

People always say that boys are easier to raise than girls.  But I wonder, are they really easier or do we just let them get away with more, worry a little less about them, encourage more independence from them, and expect different behaviors from our sons and daughters?  I think its a real mess of cultural norms, gender roles, real preferences and fear of sexuality in general, but with extra fear and loathing for female sexuality. I can't puzzle it out.  I just know that I bought into that cultural cliche enough to be relieved at the sign of a tiny little phallus.

Here's to a heart-felt holiday!

In our house we don't go crazy at Christmas time. Hell, in some ways I have no idea why we even celebrate Christmas, we are not Christian....but we are American, so we celebrate one of the holiest of days (to Christians) with a fake spinning tree, some presents, lots of cookies, and don't forget the booze.

Our son is getting three gifts from his parents: a Waldorf doll, a new lunchbox and a toy transit bus. But before you feel sorry for him, his grandparents will be giving him a tent, an easel, some cars and trucks and, who knows what else. So we don't see the need to go all crazy and flood our house with plastic crap. He has plenty of toys.

We work hard at having "the holidays" mean more than presents and "give me!" We focus on welcoming family and friends into our home. Sharing good food and drink. Being grateful and happy for the lovely life we have.

We have some Christmas traditions of our own: Scrabble games, watching A Christmas Story and South Park's Christmas Special (Mr. Hanky!!!) on Christmas Eve, opening presents one at a time on Christmas morning, and baking lots of cookies.

So what I am really trying to say: share your special family traditions with your kids. Play some games. Eat too much. Listen to your parents' stories (if you are lucky to have them around). But don't stress out about buying this or getting that. It so isn't about the presents. Do you really remember what you got last year? Do you remember what you gave?

Remember holidays are supposed to be enjoyable, right?

Freecycle is the new Goodwill

Yesterday I filled 6 large garbage bags full of clothing our family no longer needs or wants. Two bags of my clothes, two bags of my partner's clothes and two bags of the boy's mostly unused duds. Now this doesn't mean we were giving away the old crusty clothes no one wants anymore, no there were some major name brands, designers and more than several things that were never worn or worn a handful of times. These things were left over from my unsuccessful yard sale in May. I have been dreading going through the stuff for a few months but need to clean out the guest room for my mom and step dad's visit next week. But I just made myself do it while the boy watched his morning cartoons and was finished in about 30 minutes. Now often, people go through the purge and don't know what to do with the stuff. But I already had takers, thanks to Freecycle.

So, what is freecycle?

The Freecycle Network™ is made up of 4,544 groups with 5,471,000 members across the globe. It's a grassroots and entirely nonprofit movement of people who are giving (& getting) stuff for free in their own towns. It's all about reuse and keeping good stuff out of landfills. Each local group is moderated by a local volunteer (them's good people). Membership is free.

I joined my local freecycle group about a month ago, and previously gave away a large bag of books (also leftover from the yard sale). Our group works via a Yahoo Group, so it involves emailing a post to the group with the details of what is up for grabs. Then folks who are interested, then email you back and you set up a pick up/ drop off time. It's easy. I just gave the address, said the stuff would be waiting outside and then my work is done.

I have seen bikes, dishes, clothing, books, appliances, furniture, toys, tomato plants, etc. listed on the freecycle group. You can find and give away almost anything (every group has their own rules). I think freecycling is one of the greenest things you can do and its pretty frugal too.

Here's what some other people think:
From epinions.com: a more negative review, because the poster had problems with pick ups.
From Pittsburgh Tribune: a basic news story.
From Grist: Environmental slant.

Have you freecycled?

Stuff of interest to thinking mamas.....

• Looking at the politics of motherhood in a new book.
• Long (but interesting) NYT magazine article on the declining birth rates in Europe.
• An interesting take on that NYT feature by Jen Chaney, focusing on US fertility and "flexible workplaces".
• Why aren't there more momoirs by women of color?
• Time Out advice from Slate
• Funny take on going to a Baby Shower from over at Slacker Moms R Us.
• Have you heard of D-MER? Me neither. But I have experienced it.
• Inside Baltimore homebirth underground.
  

Seeking balance

One of my BFFs is finishing up her last week at work. She's joining the SAHM ranks, "opting out", whatever you want to call it. I am thinking about her because just as I'm feeling stifled and a little bored with the whole SAHM scene, she's ready to jump right into it. My friend has been working full time at a job that requires work on nights and weekends, in addition to regular business hours, since her daughter was about 4 months old. She likes the work and the challenges there, but the environment and responsibilities were not conducive to her being the kind of mother she wants to be. So in order for her and her family to be happy, healthy and sane, she's going to be giving up full time employment to be the stay at home parent.

And then there's me. I am heading off to work again in about 6 weeks, after being employment-free for 2 years. Going back to work is not an immediate financial necessity, I'm going back to the office because I want to. I really want to. My son is ready to learn from other people and develop new friendships and relationships. Hopefully my partner will be moving to a 4 day work week in the near future. Our family is ready for the new challenges, at least we think so. Because I'm as lucky as I am blessed, I have the opportunity to go back to a position that is challenging and fulfilling , as well as to co-workers who make my life so much more interesting and teach me about everything from cooking to new street slang. Not to mention decent pay and great benefits that will actually help us save some money every month. I picked my new responsibilities and hours. I have one of the greatest bosses in the world, so I know that this is not a common situation.

But it is the situation that I asked for and with some help and encouragement from my partner, friends, etc., the situation I helped create. I think that together and individually we could make these types of arrangements more common for parents. But it will take us standing up and asking (demanding) it. There are organizations working towards a society, marketplace and government that truly supports families and mothers, just look at the list of links to the left. Moms Rising is one. MOTHERS is another.

So take a moment and explore these organizations' sites. You may be inspired to make changes in your own life to better attune your life with your true values/needs. You may also rethink your political leanings, because often candidates pay lip service to caring about women and families, but they vote quite another way.

How have you found balance in your life? Working part time? Staying at home full time? Starting your own business? Home schooling?

Stuff of interest to thinking mamas.....

• 12 Commandments for good parenting
• Sociologists prove "Opting Out" revolution is a myth.
• Dangers of synthetic vitamins from Nature Mom's Blog.
• Are you going to join the artificial food dye revolution?

Stuff of interest to thinking mamas.....

• Should you drink with your kids? From Time magazine.
• Baby Shower idea: Books!
• Feministe on Work/Life Balance. Interesting points of view, including Tom Colicchio from Top Chef fame.
• What moms can learn from dads.
• Obama supports working mothers.
• Equally Shared Parenting
  

Stuff of interest to thinking mamas.....

• Parents struggle with children's obesity
• NYT Magazine on Equal Co-parenting
• Washington Post on separating girls and boys at school.

Thinking Women Unite!

Since the little boy sprang from my womb, I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be a mother, how society treats us, and what choices do we really have in terms of parenting, working, and family life. So, I've been reading. Which is how I attempt to solve all of life's problems (books have replaced booze and denial, probably a good thing).

One of the things I want to do with this blog is create a space where mothers, and women in general, can talk about our place in society and the family. Why do we make the choices we make? Are they really choices? Who benefits from our choices and our work? Has feminism helped or hurt us? I have lots of questions.

So here are some books I have read to try to resolve these questions for myself:

The Price of Motherhood
Opting In
Unbending Gender
The Feminine Mistake

I'd like to get into some real discussions or at least delve into my own reactions and biases in relationship to the themes and ideas of these books. So, I'm going to use this blog to explore my own personal adventures in motherhood, womanhood and personhood through the lenses of these books and others that I read. I hope that my readers (however few or many) will join me in this look at how we view ourselves as mothers, how society views us and maybe more interesting, how we view each other.

Care to join me?

Stuff of interest to thinking mamas.....

• It pays to show up at your kid's school.
• Postpartum Depression bills before Congress.
• Rebel Dad on fathers' involvement in childcare.
• Stay-at-home parent survival guide from About.com
• CNN.com has a special section on Working Moms.
• Modern Homesteading and voluntary simplicity
• Diaper Swappers for cloth diapering families
• Portable sandbox idea from Parent Hacks.
• 40% of babies need more vitamin D.
• Should homeschooling be regulated?
• New magazine for teens focused on abstinence

Book Review: Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan (courtesy of goodreads)

The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
Pollan takes on a tremendous writing feat and accomplishes his goal of tracing the journey of three very different meals. Part 1 follows the industrial food chain beginning in a Iowa cornfield and travels all over America in search of where the corn goes and what it becomes, both animal and chemical. Eventually we end up in a car in Marin County sharing a McDonald's meal with Pollan's family. You have no idea what is really in a McNugget, and you probably don't want to.



Part 2 gives an in depth look into organic and sustainable farming; they are not always the same thing. From Polyface farms in Virginia to an industrial organic farm in CA, Pollan explains where the organic movement started and where it is today. You also get to learn a lot about chicken poop and grass. And in the end we share a meal comprised of only locally raised and in season foods cooked by Pollan himself.



In Part 3 Pollan takes on the task of preparing a meal from foods he has hunted, foraged or grown himself. So he goes wild pig hunting, mushroom hunting, and even captures wild yeast. In the end, Pollan does not leave the reader with any trite conclusions about food or how we ought to eat. We are left still with the omnivore's dilemma, but with some more information and a gut check, if you will.



After reading this book I am even more serious about buying local in season food and about growing some of our own. We have talked about buying a house with some land so we can grow some of our food, maybe in a few years this will be possible. I want to look my food in the eye, or at least the people who grow it, and be able to still eat it with a smile on my face. We can look away and continue to eat mindlessly from the industrial trough, or we can develop our own food culture based on more than profits, federal subsidies and convenience.


View all my reviews.

Stuff of interest to thinking mamas.....

• How old is to old to be a mother? I'd say somewhere around 60.
• What's up with Supernanny? I like to watch 'cause it makes me feel superior because my kid hasn't tried to set the cat on fire, yet.
• How to be a mindful parent.
• Do you overtreat your child's fever?
• Recent breastfeeding news from Motherwear Blog.

The Great Co-Sleeping Survey

I just completed this survey on co-sleeping. If you have ever slept in the same bed as your baby or child, please take two minutes and complete the survey. The point of the survey is to collect data on real co-sleeping families to counter all the scare-tactics of the media and some public health campaigns.

In Philadelphia there are currently these scary ads warning parents of the dangers of co-sleeping. I have seen a few of the posters and commercials and I think they are irresponsible or at least too general. Any sleeping environment can be dangerous to an infant if there are blankets, pillows, toys, etc, that can cover or trap her. Babies die alone in their cribs too. And more often.

In Philadelphia, 43 babies died due to unsafe sleeping conditions between January 2006 and March 2007. Some of those were in their parents' beds and some were on couches and cribs. The target of these types of campaigns should be unsafe sleeping for infants, not co-sleeping which is done by families all over the world for centuries.

Here are some tips and cautions from The Sleep Foundation for preventing SIDS. One of the risk factors for SIDS is the baby sleeping alone.

Here are some safe co-sleeping tips (based on the latest research) from Dr. Sears.

Do you or have you shared your bed with your kids? Why or why not?

Stuff of interest to thinking mamas.....

• On mothers pursuing PhD's. Awesome!
• Moms as writers.
• Ass-pants for virgins.How to stop phone book delivery.
• Ideas for what to do with your preschooler. Some easy and fun ideas.
  
• New York Times: How you spend your money on your kids.
• Do you wish you could get away? I sure do on many a day.
  
• A Primer on cloth diapering options, with a giveaway!
• Add your ideas for the Granny Manual.